I’m writing this particular post during a time in my life with major challenges. God is stretching me in ways more intense than ever before. I feel like that boxer who keeps on getting knocked down, every single time he gets up. Everything I do is getting negative feedback (i.e. it is not working). I rely on myself, and I get knocked down. I abandon any belief in myself, and I get knocked down. I trust in God, I get knocked down. I don’t trust God and all heck breaks loose.
To say the least, I’m a little frustrated.
I don’t know if you are, or have been in a place like I’m in. Thoughts of what you’re going through are there first thing in the morning, occupy your mind throughout the day and then keep you awake at night. It is exhausting.
All arrows point to giving up or giving in, but you still find the strength to keep going, keep pushing. Your mind starts to be aware of everything not going right in your life, and you even start making stuff up to prove your point. Your car gets scratched, your break a dish or you bump your shin and your mind shoots back – “There’s just one more thing!”.
You may even feel like God is punishing you in some way, and you try to figure out what you’re doing so wrong to have all of these things happen to you… all at once. You may ask if God is “getting you back” for something you did a year ago, or is He paying it forward for something you’re about to do.
You think a positive attitude will drag your way out of the darkness, but every positive thought is followed up with a harsh reality slap in the face of another let down or personal failure. You may even consult your best friend or spouse as I have lately, and they don’t have a good answer for you. They intelligently say “I just don’t know either…”. Wow, thanks.
If you could see light at the end of the tunnel it may make the day palatable, but you don’t. You have short term challenges, but also long term ones which shut the door on any hope for the future. You might feel frustrated because you’re confused on what to do, or guilty on what you’ve done. Some days you feel angry at God or the world, while other days you feel numb.
You may escape through TV, food or some other “minor” addiction… but your situation still reminds you it is there the next day, or later that week. The following day, or next Monday morning you vow to start anew, and within 24 hours you feel like you’ve taken another two steps back. Yep, life sucks.
Given where I am right now, I don’t want to pump you up with positive affirmations, or have you picture how things will look totally different within a year. Many of you know I hate the word hope, so I won’t be throwing that word around. I don’t have a three or ten step plan to get you back on track. As you read this you won’t hear me quote another person’s biography, and tell you how another person just like you turned things around admits similar or more complex controversy or pain.
The bible says to celebrate with those who celebrate, and morn with those who morn. My guess is your reading this weeks, months or years after I originally wrote it, but I want you to know I prayed for you. I may not know who you are, and if I do, I probably don’t know what you’re going through. Most of us have a keen skill of hiding what is truly going on in our lives. We don’t want bother those around us, seem like a cry baby, completely embarrassed or even ungrateful for the many things we have. Therefore, we smile when we’re hurting and cry when no one is watching.
I prayed that God will show you the word I hate, hope. I prayed that you will see answers soon, and overcome whatever is waking you up at 3am and still not letting you sleep at 5am. I have no clue what my answers are, and have no clue how things are going to get better… but I believe God is listening. I know He will listen to you as well if you talk to Him right now. Don’t worry, no one will know. J
He doesn’t need you to be positive. Doesn’t want a four point plan. Doesn’t need you to pile up good deeds. He just wants to hear you talk to Him.
That’s it. That is what God wants from you.
THAT ONE THING…
I try to write my own stuff on this blog, but when it is said so much better than how I can say it, I just have to say, “listen to this”. I had that experience when listening to what was kind of like a New Year’s sermon at church. If you’re new to church, or haven’t gone in a while… like decades, this one might surprise you. If you are wanting a fresh start to a new year, new month or new week, or even just a new day… listen to this asap.
I want you to watch this… It is about 20 minutes so start it when you have a little time. You can watch the 2 minute trailer here:
… And watch the full thing here: