I have a friend who was trying to make some changes in her life. She explained to a group of friends what she wanted to change, and how she was going to go about doing it. Her friends had a couple of probing questions, but mainly gave her whatever the exact opposite of confidence is, and moved onto the next topic. She didn’t say much, but that she wanted to do this given the positive outcomes, and moved onto the next topics just as the group did.
The challenge she put up to herself was going to last four weeks. At the end of week two she had a situation arise where she could “cheat” on the commitment she stayed true to for the first half of the total time. I say cheat, but in order to keep confidentiality with the challenge and people at hand, let’s just say it was a “light” cheat. Regardless, it would have her break her commitment just once.
She told her group of friends and two in particular shot back, berating her on “breaking” her commitment. If anything, she saw it as a reward for succeeding for the first half of the challenge, in addition to taking part in an activity which strengthened some social bonds. These two “haters” continued to remind her that she failed, even though she would go on to succeed for the rest of the month’s time.
These two haters were like most others who are happy when others fail. One in particular has no real friends, annoys her family, has no career aspirations, and is a mess physically. The other has talked about starting up a business for years, but never has risked anything. He has wanted to stop a horrible habit, but has failed many times as well. He wants a committed relationship, yet flees from commitment, but is scared to be alone, so he settles with a mediocre one.
We all have an envious, jelaous and critical side to ourselves. Yes, we admire those around us who have more than we do, whether it is a better body, higher salary or stronger relationships. However, many of us (me included) also tear down people who we hold up very high from time to time if we’re honest. We think a person’s success is due to luck, while ours is hard fought day in and day out. We rationalize when others “win” by saying, “Yeah, but I wouldn’t want to also have…”, fill in the blank. … Long hours at work, nagging wife, bratty children, disconnection with God, or the heating bill for that large 10,000 square foot house they live in.
My point in writing this is to help us all realize we all hate on people from time to time, therefore, I pray that I will have compassion the next time I hear someone critizing my next goal or new found glory. I also want to remind myself that people hate because they hate something about themselves. Once again, we all do it. As I’m (very) slowly maturing, I’m realizing that in the large scheme of life, hater’s opinions mean nothing to me actually reaching my goals. More so, when I feel the urge to rationalize or even belittle someone elses’ accomplishments, there is no need. It doesn’t really effect them, and if anything, it hurts me by teaching my brain that improving myself isn’t worth it.